obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
