Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
