I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
