My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
