Don't make out with my wife yet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
