I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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