Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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