i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
