I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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