Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
