and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
