Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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