We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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