he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
