I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
