i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
