OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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