Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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