ugly people sure do ruin things
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
