like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
