haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
