I wish they made helmets for livers.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dicks are not precious.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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