My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
