you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You should frame my arrest warrant.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
