Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
