I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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