well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
