You can't motorboat a personality
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
