dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She announced her abortion via fbk
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
