I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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