so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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