I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
