Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
