he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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