When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
