So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
