Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Enjoy the penises
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
