I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
