suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
