I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
