i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
