after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
