You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
