My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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