Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
