I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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