I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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