i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
