if you like me you must not know who I am
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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