I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
