in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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