I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so let's talk penis.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
